What We can Learn by Looking East
Like me, I believe many others are anguished and exasperated by the lack of social skills and common etiquettes among fellow Indians. Rich or poor, urban or rural, educated or unlettered, young or old, we all seem to take some perverse pleasure in flouting simple norms of decency — shouting loudly, breaking queues, burping, pushing and shoving in buses, trains, even airplanes trying to be the first to get on board as well as to deplane, carrying too much cabin baggage, hogging armrests, occupying reserved seats meant for the elderly, pregnant women or people with disabilities, and — one could go on and on.
It is in this context that I was surprised on reading a newspaper article critical of Singaporeans, admonishing them for not possessing essential civic graces. This happened around a decade back when I was settled and working in that island nation. The author of the said article went on to compare the public behaviour of Singapore citizens with that of the Japanese, finding his countrymen deficient in social skills he thought they ought to possess. Among the things he criticized them for were not putting phones on silent/ vibrate mode in public, not standing in perfect queues at metro stations and bus stops, not offering seats to the aged and expectant mothers, and few other basic courtesies expected from civilized people.
I was at once amused and ashamed. Amused because I never looked at Singaporeans that way, I thought they were very well mannered and any foreigner living or visiting for a few days could vouch for that. Shamed at how primitive we Indians would feel when compared to the Japanese. While the Singaporeans felt that they had a lot of scope for improvement, most of us had no idea at all how brutish and rude we come across as, to people interacting with us, especially those from other countries. And yet this is not considered a huge shortcoming and a top priority. No one was pushing us to take note of this or encouraging us to change and do better. All we ever did was compare ourselves with other South Asian countries and swell with pride whenever we managed to inch ahead of them in whatever field, from Olympic medals to rankings in the Human Development Index. What sufficed for us and made us happy was that we could beat Pakistan. How illogical and appalling for any right-thinking, self-respecting Indian.
Among other things we could simply start with how we handle money. While money is dear and desirable to humans around the globe, in India we literally worship it — as a representation of Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth; perhaps we are the only nation in the world where this happens. On Diwali each year, hard cash in the form of bundles of currency notes and coins join gold and silver ornaments in the puja thali in every household for worshipping. We pray to invite goddess Lakshmi into our houses and our lives. It is considered auspicious and we display a lot of reverence and handle money with utmost care on that day. Unfortunately, that relationship lasts only for an evening, the other 364 days of the year we do not accord it the same respect. Currency notes are slapped onto shop counters, dished out as if we are playing cards, folded into a mess, passed on to others as if they owe us. Coins are always tossed into another person’s hands from above as if we were giving alms.
How cash is exchanged between two people speaks a lot. In Singapore, when a cash transaction happens, notes are held in both hands, between the tip of the index fingers and thumbs, then with a slight bow transferred into the receiver’s hands. Incidentally that is how visiting cards are shared. Even coins are held in the palm for the receiver to pick up rather than being dropped into their hands. While in Japan, wherever feasible, the exercise is taken to an even higher level, with coins being held out in a tray covered with a white cloth or offered in the palms with gloved hands for the receiver to pick up.
While we are overly impressed with the West and many a times seek to ape them, occasionally we should also be looking East to take a leaf out of their book. Besides warmly admiring them we must also take inspiration from Japan and Singapore, learning civility and politeness, and how to better conduct ourselves in public, in the process dignifying and elevate ourselves. These are developed Asian nations with living standards comparable to western nations. Shared values, culture and traditions would also make it easy for many of us to connect and bond with them.
As a people, we can and we must learn from both these proud Asian nations.
